Objects in the rear view mirror
by makoheadrush
Summary: Part of my headcanon backstory for Legend of the Turks, aka Zed. Before he joins the Turks, Legend is a young and reckless gun-runner/illegal arms dealer; he and his on-again, off-again girlfriend Roxy have a tumultuous and not entirely healthy relationship, and they are about to face their greatest challenge yet. Before Crisis era. Rated T for some adult language/themes.


All day long, Zed's PHS had been ringing; he ignored it, let it go to voice mail, mildly annoyed that Roxy kept calling and calling and not leaving a message.

She knows I'm in Junon on business, what the hell does she expect? he thought, irritated; then realized that he was perhaps being uncharitable, and felt a smidge of guilt. Still, he let the call, and another, then yet another, go to voice mail; he'd been in the middle of negotiations when she called, surely Roxy would understand why he hadn't answered.

He hoped she would, at any rate. Another hour later, the weapons deal was finally brokered and done, and Zed tucked down into one of the alleys in upper Junon, ready to knock back a well-earned bourbon or two before heading back home to Midgar.

The phone buzzed in his jacket pocket, and Roxy's name flashed across the screen, just as Zed was halfway through his first drink. He gave the bartender a helpless shrug, tipped her generously, and ordered a second bourbon before he'd finished the first.

He answered the phone. "Rox, I got your messages, you know I'm working, right? – "

"I wouldn't have called if it wasn't _important_ , Zed. Are you sitting down?"

"Yeah, I'm sitting down," he chortled. "On a bar stool. I'm at Fat Cat's saloon in Junon, just stopped in before I head home. So what's got you so worked up, Rox? Come on, I'm all yours now. I'm sorry I couldn't call you back before - " he downed his drink, smiled at the bartender as she set the second one in front of him. " – you know how it is in my line of work."

"It's – " Roxy sighed, biting her tongue. She really just wanted to scream into the phone, but she knew that wouldn't accomplish much of anything. "Zed, I'd rather not talk about this while you're sitting in a bar. Can you duck out for a minute?"

"Just tell me what's on your mind, okay?" Zed wasn't about to leave his bourbon behind on the bar. He drank, savoring the smoky sweet burn of liquor, and chuckled. "You sound so serious," he teased. "Don't tell me you're pregnant or something like that, gods." Zed laughed again, waiting for Roxy to join in with him, except –

She _didn't_. There was dead silence on the other end of the line, and suddenly Zed felt three inches tall.

"Oh shit. Oh shit, you – you are? You really are? Baby, I'm sorry – " Zed ran his hand over his face, a day's worth of growth sprouting up, rough beneath his palm.

" _No, it's fine. Figured you might want to know, seeing as it's_ **yours** ," she snapped. "Yes, I'm pregnant."

"Are you sure - ?" was his next question, which Roxy had clearly been expecting.

"Yes, I'm sure. I took three tests, they're all positive."

"Fuck. I mean – Rox. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm such an asshole - "

"Yeah. You really _are_ an asshole. Don't worry about me, I'll take care of myself." She was crying now, Zedcould hear it in the way her breath hitched over the phone, and he felt even worse now.

"Rox! Baby, don't be like that – I'm coming home now, okay? "

"Fuck _off_ , Zed. Goodbye."

* * *

He never finished the second drink; there was nothing like that sort of unexpected news to sober a man. The bartender noticed Zed's obvious downward turn in mood, and commented on it.

"Everything okay?" she asked as she polished a glass, absently placing it back in the rack.

"Yeah, yeah...it's fine. I'm fine," Zed replied robotically, not even making eye contact until he stood to leave. He forced a smile as he settled his bar tab, gave a half-hearted wave as he left the saloon, a million thoughts racing and jumbling through his head. First and foremost, was to get back to Midgar as soon as possible. He dialed Roxy's number from his PHS, not entirely surprised when the call went right to voice mail. She probably didn't want to talk to him; would she ever want to, again, after that?

"I _am_ an asshole," he muttered aloud, walking along the upper Junon promenade. He felt guilty, he felt like he was being squeezed into a corner. _I had told her I didn't want to have kids and get married. Not yet, anyway...not_ **now** _._

 _Be honest with yourself,_ the little voice in his head told him. _You never wanted that. You never wanted to commit to one girl, or be tied down with a kid, and now you are._

Yet deep down, some part of him _did_ love her, didn't want to be without her. And that scared the hell out of him. They were just so terrible to each other, they'd broken up and gotten back together more times than Zed could even remember. But there were times when they weren't fighting, when they were happy together. He kept thinking of Roxy, thought of the last time they'd been together, how she'd cried out and clung to him afterwards, told him she loved him. What a strange mix of things he'd felt at her declaration; simultaneously elated and terrified; happy, and suddenly rendered mute in the moment. For as much of a talker as Zed was, he found himself unable to reciprocate Roxy's sentiment, and his silence, he knew, made her angry.

 _Do I **love** her? I'm pretty sure I do, but –_

 _But I'm such a selfish bastard that I don't know how to tell her. How to act like half the man she deserves. She can do better_ , Zed told himself, justifying everything with that explanation.

He took the elevator down to lower Junon, the harbor where he'd grown up, not bothering to take that walk down memory lane like he normally did when he was back in his hometown. Zed walked up two blocks, over three, to where he'd parked his car and got in wordlessly. The old sports car roared to life, and Zed pulled the visor down, catching a glance of himself in the rear view mirror.

"You stupid son of a bitch," he told his reflection. "You're going to be a _father_. So what the hell you gonna do now, huh?"


End file.
